Oscar-palooza!

by Stephanie Morgan, Columbus Wired Columnist (3/18/03)

Okay, a small rip-off, but this is the season. For those that think the mathematical permutations of last year’s football playoffs were complicated, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

The Oscars are meant to award the best of the best in film from the last year. Twenty-Four categories are meant to honor those that truly deserve to be called the best.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But it’s not that simple. Several hundred films are released each year, and the clamoring for nominations begins early. You might have even noticed one or two films advertised as “the first Oscar-worthy film of 2003.” But being good isn’t all that it takes. Like any good contest, there are always controversies and politics at play.

Before you think it’s all bunk, remember that people that actually do that job nominate nominations in all of the categories (save Best Picture). In other words, actors nominate actors and editors nominate editors. (So understand that just being nominated really is an honor.) However, all Academy members vote in the end and save a few exceptions, no one has to even prove that they’ve seen any of the films, much less understand the categories.

Well, I’m here to handicap all twenty-four nominations. Since there’s more to it than simply being the best, I’ve broken down the following key elements:

Past Oscar Nominations: You can never ignore the past with Oscar. Sometimes you have the “new kid” factor on your hand, other times you have the “institution” factor on your side.

Past Wins: Everybody loves a winner. As long as you don’t win too many times, because that’s just greedy. Included in this are wins from other award shows. After all, Oscar doesn’t like being the last one in the world to recognize that someone’s the best.

Pass-Overs: If there is something everyone loves, it’s going on and on about whether you should have won before but were passed-over due to political reasons. Oscar loves to pay back for sins of omission.

The Miramax Factor: Miramax spends more than anyone on their Oscar campaigns. This is the studio that dethroned “Saving Private Ryan” by convincing academy voters that “Shakespeare In Love” was the best film of the year.

Hip Factor: There are times Oscar is accused of being stodgy and in love with films that the general public has no interest in really seeing. Every year, one or two awards are given simply to prove that the Academy is “hip.”

Number of Nominations: If a film has been nominated for multiple Oscars, this can work against winning some awards as the assumption can become “they will probably win another award, so we can give this award to someone else” mentality. But not always.

Intangibles: Just like in all good contests, there are those things that are not easily categorized (nor apply to everyone) but will have a tremendous impact on the outcome.

For the Acting and Directing Categories, there will be one additional factor.

Age: Oscar is constantly reminded of the people that never won the award – Alfred Hitchcock, Marilyn Monroe, Cary Grant, etc. You never know when one of our elder entertainers will leave for the Great Studio In The Sky, so sometimes the Academy gives them a statue to say “thanks” for a long and wonderful career.